well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think your dad took our porno
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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