I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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