She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
