I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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