hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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