so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
