so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
