Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need to align my fucking chakras
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
