Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
