haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My feet surprised me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
