all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
