Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
