Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
