haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
