then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
