I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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