I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize