Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
