First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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