Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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