I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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