We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize