I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
