I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I just put wine in my tea
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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