But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
