yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
