Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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