so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
