It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
