just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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