my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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