What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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