you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
