i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
