I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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