I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
