No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
