Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
