Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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