Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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