So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
