Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
