please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
