Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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