after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
