whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
