You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
