I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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