you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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