I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
