Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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