My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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