Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
