I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
