Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
