capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize