just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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