I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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