When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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