Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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