Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
