someone owes me an orgasm
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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