how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
