I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
