i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Panties = found
Randomize
