dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
