Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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