i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
