K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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